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Miss Ivy In De Court

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Miss Ivy In De Court

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A Jamaican country prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand --- a frail, grandmotherly, elderly woman named Miss Ivy. He approached her and asked "Miss Ivy, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes me nuh yu Missa Williams. Me know yuh since yu ah young bwoy an quite frankly, yu ah one big disappointment. Yu lie, yu use fe tief bokkle and bruk people shap; yu gie yu wife bun, yu manipulate people an talk su-su pan dem behine dem back. Yuh tink say yu a big shat, an yu nuh know say yu a go come to nutten. Dat fool-fool brains yu ave mek yu a two-bit papa pusha. Yes, me know yu - yu liad, good fe nutten...."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what to do, he pointed across the room and asked "Miss Ivy, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes mi do. Mi know Missa Bradley since 'im was a bwoy, too. Mi use to put on ‘im nappy wen 'im piss it up. An 'im too is a real disappointment. 'Im lazy, 'im a batty man, 'im a drunk areaddy, an 'im caan build a normal relationship wid woman-cause a battyman sinting. 'Im law practice is de wos inna de entiya Parish. Not fe mention 'im cheat pan 'im wife wid tree diffrent man. 'Im ongle married dat nice lady cause 'im no waan people fe know say 'im like man. Yes, me know 'im."

The defense attorney was also surprised and shocked. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If any a oonu axe har if she know me, oonu a go a jail fe contempt."









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